Firstly, I had never heard of such an illness when I frist became ill in July 2004. In fact, I rarely became physically ill and so such illnesses were of little interest to me being a healthy person and busy finctioning at a full capacity.

I remember the morning well. I had, had a bad nights sleep and had been having night sweats for a few weeks, so bad that I had to get up in the night to change my clothes and bedding. This particular morning I felt as though I had been fighting off a flu or something, it was winter and I had, had my flu injection but being around a lot of students I thought I may have caught something. My throat was very sore, I had bad stomach pains and I felt giddy, foggy in the brain and genually unwell. I was do to do my counselling exam that morning which was a practical exam. I had always done well in exams and particularly exams I had to talk in so I was not particularly worried. During my exam I could not think, could not function and I realised I felt really unwell and had to defer.

I thought I would be better in days, but over the course of the next 10 days I became incedibly worse. It was as if I was drugged, every limb and bone ached in my body, my glands were inflammed and hurt, I couldnot tolerate light, sound. My limbs spasmed and I couldnot rise from the sofa for 10 days until my partner decided this virus was going on too long and got me to a doctors. By this stage I could hardly walk, my left side in particular my leg was not coordinated, muscles extremely weak and I truelly felt as if I was dying. I had gained 20 kilo's in fluid that made my once thing face look like a frog and my left leg extremely swollen.

Bad virus the doc told me, keep taking meds it will sort itself out. Went to 3 more docs same thing, wait it will go. Well it didn’t go, infact it got worse, now I was almost bedridden and had to pace out activities and sleep inbetween. 3 months later Doc said chronic fatigue syndrome, stay on meds, you must begin graded exercise program, take anti-depressant, eat well and you will get well oh and lose weight she said.

Mind you I was 60 kilo's before illness and suddenly balooned to 83 kilo? never had been so heavy in my life and it was a puffy heavy with swollen belly that reacted to everything I ate. So began to push myself with walking stick 5 mins a day walk, somedays o.k., some days too sick and in pain to walk again for several days. Took 6 months to push myself to 25 mins a day with no improvement in health or fitness level as compared to years previously where I actually worked as a fitness instructor and I knew something was not feeling right here. I was becoming weaker instead of stronger, inflammation was increasing, breathing problems increased, swelling on left side increased to noticable and frightening amount. All in all this was not working and I was putting 100 percent into it. Doc just looked bored, ‘keep exercising.’

Talked to psychologist I had seen for trauma. CBT, I knew CBT like the back of my hand I had been learning it for 8 years. She spoke of CFS as if it were a psychological disorder, I felt very peerplexed, I had studied Psychology long enough to know this was not in my head, it was in my body. No amount of CBT logs worked for this. It is not your thoughts that need reprogramming, it is your body that needs healing and it is other peoples thoughts that need reprogramming in understanding that anyone this alone, this ill, this scared, this disabled is going to be suffering depression and anxiety in due course from no one addressing their actual needs. 12 months has passed, no one has helped.

Today I got a referal to _______ hospital to a doc who supposidly treats ME/CFS. I think its very sad I was left for 12 months in such pain, disability and fear with a 12 yearold to care for, before anyone actually acknowledged something is very wrong.