Name: Mark* Country: UK

I became ill in February 1993, just a few days after receiving a tetanus booster. The original diagnosis (no one noticed the tetanus booster at the time, or if they did, they didn't mention it - and no one's mentioned it since) was "acute stress". To this was later added "anxiety" and "depression".

My GP recommended I take longer and longer walks every day. This I did - until I literally dropped. After a very worrying struggle to get home again I realised this was not such a good idea. I kept trying to exercise, however, and it made me worse and worse, till it got to the point where I had no choice in the matter any more: I was bedridden most of the time. When I *was* able to go out, I couldn't do so without using a walking stick.

I also received a series of counselling sessions. The relaxation and visualisation exercises were fine, but the attempts at juggling disorientated and exhausted me. I never did learn.

In 1995 I was persuaded that I should stop using my walking stick and "think positively" and not "buy into" my condition. I struggled for about two months, but eventually had to go back to using the stick, as not only was my balance dangerously bad, but also the sheer physical strain of trying to walk unaided was making me worse generally.

That year I also followed a course of CBT. It did help me come to terms with the fact that I might never be well enough to work again (not a joyous realisation at the age of 40) and helped me cope with my handicaps, but I also eventually noticed that I was overdoing things physically - because I was trying to ignore my limitations, of course. To me, that is the worst danger of CBT when it comes to illnesses like M.E.

A couple of years later I managed to get a prescription from my GP which allowed me to have a discount when paying for a block booking of sessions at the local Fitness Centre. The first stage of the regime was using a treadmill and exercise bike. Total disaster. I had to give up, it was making me so bad. (I lost my money, including what I paid for the compulsory trainers, which were no use to me otherwise!)

The routines I have been taught over the years by physiotherapists (who were cognisant with the effects of M.E.) have been useful - but these involve very gentle exercises and stretching - nothing like Graded Exercise.

I know from hard experience how damaging pushing oneself both mentally and physically can be. I still overdo things, because, when I'm "well" enough, I keep trying. I still hope that eventually it will help, but after 12 years, common sense tells me that this is wishful thinking.